while I wait...

Dear Life, while I eagerly wait,

body tipped on achy toes, for you to share

the script you wrote out for me in secret

and without my consultation…

I wish to ask, yet I’m hesitant

If you consider yourself a fair person?


For, what if, like me,

you too, lash out in anger at impatience,

forget the joy with which I receive you each morning

and hand out to me an excruciating circumstance

to act out in solo?


I wish to ask again and I hold back in fear

What of my child, the one on whom my life’s labors are spent

will you be kind, to her? Will you make room

in the places where she is as yet unready

to face the world and allow her the time she needs

for preparation?


What is to become of my dreams? These few ones

carefully picked on that special day

when you and I were friends and shared the same vision,

those same ones that you encouraged me to toil at

and give it my all. Will you set forth, a simple warning?

A small gesture, a wink, a nod, perhaps even a doubt

before you yank it out from under my feet

and forever change my view.


Tell me, if in this world where you put me in

And gave me the impression that I was in charge

Am I meant to discover who it is I am and know it for certain

Or if who I am and what I am is to forever change depending

on where you place me and what you ask of me to do?


Now that we have reached these crossroads

And I reluctantly let go of my old habits and follow

your fancy. Let me speak and tell you that the deed is done

and it is too late now, for I fully know who it is that I am

and that which I’m meant to do. So, even as you lead,

upon whichever road, wretched, thorny, smooth, joyous, dry,

scenic or bland, I shall write my ode and draw your image

for I have never forgotten the privilege of being alive and loving you.

 ----Vandana Nittoor